Advent Calendar Day 3

Joseph was told that his fiancé, Mary, was to have a baby.  Enough of a startling revelation as it was, but to be visited by an angel who tells you this child is the promised coming Messiah is almost too much.  I think of the emotions swirling about in Joseph’s mind.  After all, any ordinary man would have a mixture of such emotions—the internal adjustments you make as you process in your mind and heart that 1.) your fiancé whom you have not yet been intimate is pregnant; 2.) you realize, perhaps by surprise, that your love and compassion outweighs your need to save face; 3.) that this child who isn’t yours is to be raised by you; 4.) that this child is the promised one of God, who will save you from your sin.  You would feel—what, doubt and skepticism, fear and worry, overwhelmed, joyful, sorrowful—this is almost too much for anyone to grasp. 

Yet Joseph, a good man who wants to do right by his promise, has the very human idea of distancing himself from the entire situation; not to extract vengeance as was his right and not to play the wounded lover, but to simply, quietly, give her back to her family and call the whole thing off.  She and her family can deal with repercussions of the situation.  But, that is not the way God wants it to be.  He is to marry her, care for her and the child, and all of this knowing that this child may indeed be the anointed one of God who would come to save Israel.  Could you be this obedient in the face of personal humiliation?

Good men, truly good men, the kind with ethics and morals that are uncompromising and true are hard to come by.  It is as difficult for today’s men to live up to the Captain America standard (manly, brave, a moral compass that points true north, looks good in a costume), as it is for women to live up to the Proverbs 31 woman (in charge of the home, makes her husband and kids look good, while still having her own career).  I think, however, Joseph was not some illusive image of a good man, but truly one who shows mercy, loves justice, and in spite of the emotions that follow, walks with God humbly.  Are you a Joseph kind of person?  One who simply does what you believe to be right quietly and without fanfare, without seeking your rights, but rather protecting the rights of others.  I think Joseph is a good example for all of us—male and female—this season of Advent when there is so much going on in the world that gives us the opposite understanding of what is right and wrong.  

Prayer.411: Does God Listen?

Sermon March 20, 2011 on Psalm 34:4-6, 17.  This week we explore how we listen to God to be assured of God listening to us.

Middle of the Week Thoughts

Since my return from the 5 Day Academy for Spiritual Formation, I have been diligently working on Advent planning, as it seems to be just around the corner. I took a moment off to do a couple of other things, but Advent planning seems to be the order for the week.

I tend to not be able to work on these things at the office. Things like sermon planning or worship planning, I need to be in a certain environment with fewer interruptions. You may be curious about what environment is necessary for such planning and inspiration to take place. Well, it is in bed, with my laptop on my...well, lap...and a pot of coffee near and a cup of coffee nearer. That is perfect....now I can spread all my books out all over the bed (king size) and contemplate the flow of of the season and then the flow of each Sunday. My family knows this is focus time and so makes certain that this time is as uninterrupted as possible.

Does that mean that nothing happens when I am in such a mode of planning? Not at all, but I must realize that in order for things to happen, I must occasionally recluse myself from the rest of life to think, to contemplate, to pray, to meditate, to plan. I am at a great location and the majority of my congregation understands this need for this time, thankfully! This isn't a time like last week, in which I needed time to renew my spirits and refresh my soul, which is also time I need to pull away from day-to-day life and spend some time apart...just me and God. (In the case of last week...and the 65 other people pulling away to spend time with just them and God. This is why silence is important!)

We are given biblical examples in which we need to come away from the rest of the world to pray and to spend time listening to God. Time we need to refresh and renew ourselves, body-mind-spirit. But we tend to like to be busy people. I have given great thought as to why.

When I was younger, I went through a divorce. My husband left me and an infant. I was devastated. I was more devastated by his absence at such a time (with a newborn) than the reason he left (for another woman.) I was lonely. So, I filled my time, and I continued to fill my time. I talked on the phone constantly, and when one friend got tired of talking, I hung up and dialed the next one. I filled all the empty time and quiet places with activity and noise, so I didn't have to think or hear my own heart break.

When I was finally faced with time absolutely alone, no children, no pets, no one else there and it was just me and God in that house that day, I ranted and raved, angry at the God who lived just past the ceiling. If you had walked into my house that day, you would have immediately committed me to the nearest mental institution, because I did not have any semblance of sanity. I was angry, and I hated the emotion of anger, so I stuffed it until it erupted. It erupted someplace safe, when I was alone and directed at God, but many people do not deal with their anger or hurt or sorrow and so when it erupts, it erupts as lashing out at others. This is as harmful as stuffing it down until it hurts us with physical issues, or emotional ones, but we so fear the intensity of the anger within us!

Now, my anger at God eventually gave way to sobbing on God's big, divine shoulder and God cradled me and held me close and kept me safe until I was able to deal with the life I had. I think it is really important to be able to have those times of silence to give way to the tears as well. Tears we would never possibly express to another living soul. Tears that may spring up at all the wrong times, in all the wrong places, to all the wrong people. For me, tears are therapeutic, but only if I feel safe when I am crying.

As I was sitting during one of our many times of silence last week, the revelation that crossed my heart and mind was that noise covers a multitude of sins. We don't hear that still small voice, we don't want to hear that still small voice, so much so we put our fingers in the ears of our heart and say, "lalalalalalala God, I'm not listening!" We keep the busyness and the noise always close, so we do not have to deal with what is lurking in the silence.

But we do not have to deal with this frightening unknown alone. God is with us, and God is safe. I know many reading this may not feel like God is safe. I know I probably would have told you that I didn't feel God was "safe" to express my anger to, like I did, but it turns out that I only found that out by the expression of this anger. I would have probably felt that God was unsafe because I felt let down and disappointed at God. We also tend to blame God rather than ourselves or those we love. Once we have moved past that we are able to see ourselves, and even others for who they are, flawed human beings. But flawed human beings who are loved by God! Not fatally flawed! Just hurting, and broken, and wounded. If we saw ourselves through God's eyes, we would love ourselves so much! All the things that separate us from God would be gone and we would feel like we could sob on God's shoulder.

I have no idea how a post that started out as Advent planning ended up in dealing with pent up hurts and gaping emotional and spiritual wounds, but God must have a purpose for this post today.

God Was In This Place. Did I Know It?

Then Jacob woke from his sleep and said, ‘Surely the Lord is in this place—and I did not know it!’Genesis 28:16

I am here in a pastoral retreat setting; here to form my spiritual life. Here among the beauty of nature and the kindness of others. I am here to learn from the masters, and I am here to ponder deep thoughts and to reconcile my understanding of God and myself. But I find that I am not having very much luck in my pondering. Maybe it is because I am not fully invested in the topic or question. Maybe it is because I am a rebellious child within, and am dragging my feet to do homework. Maybe it is because I would rather watch others than to focus on my own self. On this particular occasion I was to be contemplating a question.

The question I was to contemplate was, “in order to fulfill my religious life, what obligations do I have?” I quickly thought about the obvious answers of following a call to ministry, being a faithful spouse and parent, loving others. But before long my thoughts were wondering as they tend to do. In my boredom with my own musing, I do what I tend to do, and observe others. I looked around and spotted a man I know, and the relationship we share was immediately brought to my mind. This thought led to the question of obligations, and I pondered, finally, how relationships were obligations in all our lives. Then I wondered how I got here in my thoughts.

I am here with a man whom I hold in high esteem and high regard. He was an important part of my life at a pivotal point of my life. I love him. Not in the romantic sense, but definitely beyond the love we must have for all our brothers and sisters. More in a familial sense, although I feel that is presumptive on my part. My admiration for him does not fit into the parameters of hero worship, because that would be disrespecting his life of humility. Does he have any idea the impact he has made in the lives of others? Does he recognize despite any detractor that he may have that he has done so much more for God’s kingdom than he may realize? Does he still search for significance, or is he comfortable with the work he has done for God?

I am here with his wife, who is such a gentle soul I feel unworthy and yet deeply loved in her completely serene presence. She has also done a great deal for me in the way of furthering my spiritual side. She quietly encourages and speaks louder with her actions than her words. The same questions apply, does she know?

I am here with a woman who struggled along-side me and kept me from quitting my calling and, thereby living a life that would have been “less-than” because I would not have been fulfilling my purpose. She was my sage, my mentor, my rock and my friend. She is still that for me, but now maybe I can be that for her as well.

I am here with a man who was once a close friend, and although we still consider ourselves friends, we are not as close as we used to be. I still remember the talks we had that helped me along, and the ability to lean on one another when times were rough. I cared very deeply for him and I grieve the loss of the fullness of this friendship, but understand and recognize that things will never be the same, and there is nothing that can be done about that.

I am here with several people whose spirits are high in spite of physical limitations or set backs. One is an old friend with whom I had a time of closeness and then we grew apart; another is a new friend that I may never talk to again after this week.

I am here with acquaintances in ministry that I recognize and greet, and those who are closer and I confide in. I am here with a friend who is a mother figure to me, and a friend who has fatherly words of wisdom for me.

I am here with a woman I identified with and related to before we ever met, and a man I thought I would have nothing in common with and yet feel a bond. They teach me and I learn from them. I have so many questions for them…

I am here with those who are on the path with me, and lead me and guide me. I am here with those for whom I am the guide.

I am here with a young man who is extremely and incredibly talented, and rather than being vain about his abilities, has a humility and grace and love for God that he is passing onto a new generation.

I am here with a man struggling with personal problems, but knowing that in spite of or perhaps because of these issues, he needs to connect with God and take time out to fill himself. He is a good man, a decent man, and a man of integrity that I am just beginning to know.

I am here with a man who has a great gift of poetry, and every thought he has comes out as brilliant prose. I am here with a woman who is confident in herself and her choice of a lifestyle that others may criticize. I am here with a woman who is a friend of one those who face physical limitations, and she is here to support her friend and walk this journey with her.

I am here with those in whom my confidences are not safe, and those with whom they are. I am here with those who know me, those who love me, those who dislike me, and those who have no clue I exist.

I am here with a man who, a woman who, a friend who, a superior who, I am here. I am here and God is here, and what matters is, my obligation is, that I recognize God in this place.